| what i have to look forward to |
[05 Mar 2007|10:52pm] |
chicago
madrid
segovia
madrid
barcelona
milan
la spezia
riomaggiore
manarola
la spezia
milan
geneva
lyon
paris
normandy
paris
chicago
or something like that.
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[08 Feb 2007|06:34am] |
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it's 6:30 am, on thursday. i didn't go to bed last night, that's been happening lately.
i just found the kid who lives accross the hall from me peeing on the wall next to his/my room. i guess i'm glad he made it back safely.
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[11 Dec 2006|06:33pm] |
it's bound to melt your heart, one way or another
it's bound to melt your heart, for good or for bad
it's like a valentine, from your mother
it's bound to melt your heart
if you're in the middle of finals, just take a break and look at the cutest thing i have ever seen. ever. seen. ever. it will help.
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| this is just because i need to print it out later |
[21 Sep 2006|11:19pm] |
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Alexander Costakis
Prof. Mario Bahena
HISP-275
21 septiembre 2006
Mamá e Hijo
Don Quijote y Sancho Panza son necesarios para uno a otro porque son opuestos y este resulta en comicidad. Quijote siempre encuentra la aventura usando el idealismo aun cuando no existe, y Sancho está allí para protegerle a su amigo. Quijote mira a los molinos de viento e imagina monstruos en el horizonte. Sancho sabe que en realidad son molinos de viento, pero también sabe que Quijote necesita ver los monstruos para sostener la aventura. En este momento Sancho es el guardián de Quijote, como una mamá, y Quijote es su niño. Esta relación de mamá e hijo sigue aumentando cuando las aspas lanzan Quijote y Rocinante, y Quijote insista en que Frestón ha convertido los monstruos hacia molinos. Otra vez, Sancho sabe que siempre han sido molinos, pero esta contradicción resulta en la aventura para Quijote y la comicidad para nosotros. Los dos personajes no deben ser compatibles porque sus filosofías son opuestas, pero es cómico e irónico porque pueden sobrevivir este conflicto y ser amigos perfectos y amigos necesarios, como mamá e hijo.
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[20 Sep 2006|01:07am] |
nostalgia will push me around from time to time. yes, yes it will.
and also
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[14 Sep 2006|12:29pm] |
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its ok its ok its ok its ok that i don't know what i'm doing and i don't know what i want to do and im afraid of getting graded right?
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| i feel obligated to write something |
[21 Aug 2006|12:58am] |
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1. i spent a few weeks writing something in my journal that i planned to post here as my definivite post highschool pre college statement. then it got fucked. it was destined to be that way because it was something i hadn't written about before. i try to write my ideas all the time and unless i get them out at once i start thinking about something else and can't write about it again.
2. with one exception. there are those entries about that one thing. those stay the same and can always be written.
3. people keep asking me how it feels to be leaving for college. they think i'm thinking things like this: the previous 19 years of my life have been leading up to this, they had no other choice but to lead up to it. regardless of how romantically i look at it the decisions i make in the next few years will determine to some extent, large or small, how my life goes after this point. according to everyone that has ever gone to college, ever, in the history of time, everyone, "those are the best four years of your life." apparently some of my most importantly relationships will be won and lost. i'll learn to live with a completely different set of people, sure some still from valpo, but also from chicago, indianapolis, florida, mexico, argentina, germany, and south korea. or so i hear. so how does it feel to be leaving for college? i'm actually feeling more like this: it feels like i'm leaving for high school. it feels like i'll be waking up in two days (6:15) taking a shower (6:21) staring at the floor of the shower (6:22-6:43) waking up again and getting out of the shower and getting dressed (6:44) staring at the carpet of my room (6:49) petting my dog (6:57) getting into my car (7:01) and going to school. that's what it feels like. the only difference is that i won't be picking kevin up and he won't be picking me up. but he's still a squishmitten.
4. right now, i really don't want any advice from anyone who is not going to be a freshman in college. i don't even want advice from most people that are going to be starting college. i really don't want advice from most people. but have it ready in case i come asking.
5. i hope my bed is comfortable.
6. i hope i get the food network in bloomington.
7. i hope there is a kitchen nearby.
8. where are you?
9. the square root of 9 is 3. i think i'm ready.
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[06 Aug 2006|07:12am] |
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i did not sleep, and now it's 7:12 in the a.m. i didn't try to sleep very hard, but i knew it was impossible. so i wrote haikus.
"one"
passenger aboard
nonstop flight to tomorrow
i'm fucking tired
"two"
further inspection
reveals that I am hungry
should eat a bagel
"three"
ash trays, cigarettes
i sipped my coffee, black
and she farted, too
"four"
here all can be found
peace for man, woman, and child
i bought underpants
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| quiero estar |
[16 Jul 2006|12:33am] |
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i really, really want to be somewhere a year from now. i mean that in a lot of different ways. physical location, relationships with people, relationship with myself. and in each case the place is indefinite, but i know it's where i need to be, and it's going to be important.
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| you should probably not read this unless you are high. |
[23 Jun 2006|12:10am] |
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he was homeward bound, happy, satisfied with the melody of night. the same romantic questions smoked cigarettes on the uneven roadside: why is it clearer at night? and why do my toes lose confidence when graced with the security of a sock and shoe? and why does the picture above the dashboard speak in fragments, and the view from the side window sing in run-ons?
and the red light said, "muhfucka, this isn't what it looks like. please just let me explain. i reflect in longer lines than go. take time to notice that, i really need you to do this for me."
and muhfucka took time to notice that and reassured the red light, "you're right. we are so very sorry we judged you. you could come sit next to me?"
so red light climbed down from his perch, and he shivered with earth's touch. it's time, he thought. i think he is ready.
"i've watched you grow up, you know."
"i know."
"we all have. we cheered when your father took the training wheels from your bycicle. and we smiled when you learned that it was too soon."
"we normally call them bikes."
"i've been up there for a while, waiting for you to be ready."
"it's okay," and muhfucka understood and he was sorry for the red light. and he was grateful that he was ready but scared about what he was ready for.
"when you found love we celebrated."
"thank you."
"and when it ended we cried so you didn't have to."
"please don't do that," and muhfucka's words carried more emotion than he intended and he wanted to apologize. but he didn't.
his words never troubled themselves with being too vague, but instead they chewed their fingernails over being too accurate. when he wanted to speak his mind, the words raced from his lips before he could assmeble them. and when he wanted to be quiet they hid themselves between his bones and behind his ears, and on the spot of his back that was always dirty because he could not reach it with soap and always sunburnt in the summer because he could not protect it with sunscreen. and so he was silent instead of quiet.
and the light said, "stop."
"what?"
"sorry, it's a part of me that i can't help. like your words."
"well we all have bad habits," but muhfucka didn't know what he meant. only that it was probably true. and he remembered reading a book that was subtitled '85% of a true story' and thought that that was also true (probably). but he didn't stop, and thought that if it was only 85% true then reading it could only be 85% true and decided that it was then 72.25% true. and he recognized that if it was only 72.25% true then it was also 27.75% false and that made him nervous but it was out of his reach in the way that young children recognize they are having bad dreams but can't wake up from them. soon the story that was 72.25% true and 27.75% false was only 44.5% true and this was bad because that really meant the story was false. and he thought this is how lies are born. when he began to think that we hurt ourselves when our lies are born prematurely especially more than 2 two weeks prematurely the light urged
"stop!"
"how did you know?"
"that's what i need to tell you. thats what we need to to tell all of you."
and that didn't make sense so muhfucka asked the only question he could and this time he assembled his words but not because he had beaten his bad habit but because the question was obvious enough that his words let him ask it on his own. "all of who?"
"the in-motion."
"the in-motion?" and he moved to throw the stop from because he didn't like abstract phrases. but he didn't throw the stop light from the car because he was not strong enough. and also because this time his words did not let him. "who are the in-motion?"
"you are."
"ok. are you the in-motion?"
"no, i'm not the in-motion. we are the stationary. well, except for now, but that's because you asked me to come with you. you can do that because you are the in-motion. that's important"
muhfucka didn't know what he meant but he didn't have time to wonder. and that bothered him but he let the stop light go.
"don't be silent but be quiet, i will be quick because i know how you are. we are the stationary. we are the stop lights and the cigarettes behind the gas station counter. we are the fields but not the corn, and we are the sky but not the clouds. we are those which are passed by but do not pass. we are those who have the ability to watch you grow only because we are incapable of physical growth and movement of our own. and because our growth is only limited in that physical sense we are unlimited in the capability to learn and to understand. we know you because we have unbiased perches." the stop light knew that alex would not understand this right now because sometimes he could be dense and this was one of those times. but he would understand it later because he is not ignorant, and this was good enough. this was better, even. "all you need to know right now, at this moment in your life, is that we exist."
"ok."
"you can drop me off now."
and muhfucka dropped him off and watched him reclaim his perch.
and he looked for the romantic questions smoking cigarettes on the side of the road but found equally romantic questions in their places. and they drank coffee. and they whispered: because you can feel the night but only touch the day. and because they are afraid of the dark and small spaces. and because the road above the dashboard was there to give you what you needed, and the view through the side window is there to help you find what you want.
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| thats it |
[01 Jun 2006|01:13pm] |
i'm done with school and instead of being pumped, a few things have me pissed.
1. stay out
2. stop ASS making out of U and ME , thats how you get in trouble
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[23 May 2006|05:50pm] |
bitches, i got nothin to say...
cept this little graph i made.
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[08 Apr 2006|07:59pm] |
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skydiving, this summer. dance party at 10 000 feet. whos up for it?
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[16 Mar 2006|10:19pm] |
i want to apologize to sarah kepa. and i want to thank sarah kepa. and i want to think sarah kepa understands what this is about. sarah kepa is one of my three favorite people, ever. and there was no specific incident that caused this entry, it has been a long time coming.
please do not leave any comments
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| mmmm christ child and peeps |
[02 Mar 2006|10:22am] |
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so i'm on my laptop, on my couch, watching the price is right (i will soon start taking bets on when bob barker will die), and i should be at school right now. this is a very good situation.
i love the commercials played during the price is right. "hello i have diabetes (actually, he says something more like dybeetas) and i also have a handle bar mustache. call now and receive stuff blah blah blah."
an 85 year old man was just called to join contestant row on the price is right, his name is ernest. he's wearing a green t-shirt that says "I want the check game, DUDE!" the cute college girl won, and not ernest. i wonder if she'll sleep with bob barker. perhaps howard stern and bob barker are in the entertainment industry for the same reason, only bob barker is ashamed and tries to hide it while howard stern doesn't mind being known for being sleazy. the cute college girl just won and ripped of her shirt.
sweet, here comes the motorized wheelchairs. "yay grandma!" and they threw balloons in the air. apparently grandma has completed quite a task in receiving her very own motorized wheelchair.
alright ernest has another chance, the bidding will begin with terry - $750. jerry - $820. alicia - $550. ernest - $821 (you're an asshole, jerry is going to kill you). actual retail price - $1276. i really hope jerry decides to kill you. fuck you ernest, you're 85 years old and the biggest dick in the world. at least you're not going to get to play the check game, dude. fuck, he gets to play for a new car. it has antilock breaks, thats too bad.
i need a nap. laura coleman's favorite meal is as follows: main course - christ child. dessert: peeps.
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| you've got me wild, turned around inside |
[20 Feb 2006|01:14am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 geeky |
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music |
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dave matthews and tim reynolds. mmm music from 8th grade |
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i like the concept of a 500 year flood. statistics and probabilities have always bothered me, but i like this one. every 500 years, on average, there is this massive, biblical size flood. the one along the mississippi (m-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i) in the early 90s was a 500 year flood. maybe i like it because even though they are only supposed to happen once in 500 years, there is nothing saying they couldn't happen once a year for 500 years.
maybe i like it because i also like girls. there is nothing saying they can't come at you everyday, only that this doesn't normally happen. unless you're fabio. fuck me, he's hot.
this is all because i've been realizing that i am shitty. there are people that come at you once in a very long while that make you incredibly excited to see them or just to think about seeing them. i let a lot of people slide through my fingers because if i don't feel that right away then i don't think i will ever see it. how do i get around always being physically attracted first? you see someone before you talk to them, and i'm not into internet dating.
there was a girl on my spain trip. she was a 500 year flood. i felt unsure of myself and nervous, but she was always buying keychains for her boyfriend, so i never mentioned that i had a crush on her. i would have said it in a joking way, knowing that girls know what those jokes are hiding.
i'm a terrible romantic. i always have been and i'll stay that way because i like it. if i've ever told you differently then i lied. and if you've ever thought maybe i changed then i was hiding it.
just look at the layout of my livejournal. i'm always in love with love.
smoke crack.
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| i'm missing voices |
[11 Feb 2006|11:05pm] |
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mood |
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 good |
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music |
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The Predatory Wasp Of The Palisades Is Out To Get Us! |
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phones have never been important to me, i don't like to use them. i'm afraid of brain tumors, and i don't like asking (or answering) "can you hear me?" but i had a phone conversation last night, one of the longer ones of my life, 37 minutes.
did you know that in the original manuscript for "the wizard of oz" emerald city was only that color because everyone in the city wore glasses with green lenses?
i have pictures of people that i have not seen for a while and once in a while i'll stumble upon them. and then i remember the people. and i remember the last time i saw them, and i remember some times that i have hung out with them. and some places i have gone with them. i remember them.
there is a rumor that the casting director had several hundred midgets take a bus cross country for the movie. when they got there, he had them stay on the bus while he went and found the film director and told him to look out the window. when he lift the curtains he saw several hundred small asses mooning him from several buses.
when i talk to people that i have not seen for a while online, i remember them again. i wonder what they might have done that day, or how school is going. have they eaten dinner yet, and if not, are they a little bit excited to eat? i wonder how they are, and they can tell me.
there were a number of followups to "the wizard of oz." of course none of them were as popular as the first.
and i talked to someone on the phone last night for 37 minutes. someone that i care for greatly. and i didn't think about a time i spent with them, and i did't wonder if they were hungry. I just talked, and they just talked. we might as well have been sitting face to face in a dark room. i knew what they were doing. they were talking on a phone, brushing their teeth, getting in bed, cracking their ribs on something, apologizing to their roomate. it was reassuring. it said "i'm here"
i can say a lot in this
i can tell you how i'm feeling
i can remind you of a time we shared
i can let you know if i'm hungry or not
but i can't, no matter how hard i try, say to you "i'm here" and know that you will hear it.
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proudestmonkey7's journal
